"Reality Bites"

"Enlightened" 
I wake up in the morning feeling mentally & emotionally drained. Do I really have to go to ANOTHER consultation? I know I am doing the right thing by going but I AM BURNT OUT! I drag myself to the clinic and fill out yet another 10 page questionnaire on my medical history. I met with the doctor and my first impression was that he wasn't the friendliest fellow of the bunch. However, after getting to talking to him he wasn't that bad. His personality was as dry as the Sahara Desert but extremely informative and helpful. He gave me good advice on how to consider an IVF doctor and questions that you should be asking. One good tid bit I took from our convo is that most doctors are a dime a dozen. A lot of  your success is determined by their embryologist. I could feel my head spinning. I just went through three consultations and didn't get a lot of these questions answered. How am I ever going to make a decision??? We then proceeded with a tour of their facility. Everything is done in house which was a nice lil bonus. As for the prices, they were somewhat in the middle and they can do price matching depending on the T's & C's. So there I am leaving my fourth consultation feeling more confused than ever. Not exactly what I was hoping for at this point in the game. Now that I have been enlightened with more knowledge, I have more questions for Dr. 90210. I would also like a tour of the Beverly Hills facility. Uggghhhh....the saga continues.
"The IVF Breakdown"
The following morning I wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck. Physically tired from lack of sleep due to my mind analyzing every minute detail of this interviewing process. Emotionally drained from the constant worrying that I might make a wrong decision. Not to mention, the reality was officially setting in. Up until the day before, IVF was still a hypothetical in my mind. After taking a tour of the OR room, the recovery room and lab-IT ALL HIT ME! My biggest fear was becoming my reality. All these feelings were building and building inside of me like an active volcano. My hubby and I were at our local coffee spot grabbing a cup of joe when it happened....I erupted. The water works begins and my poor husband stands there looking at me dazed and confused. Come to think of it, I think I get that look a lot. Oh and let me just say, no I was not on my period and nowhere near PMS. That was the first question I asked myself at the time. Soooo this was when the "IVF Breakdown" was officially in full force. I tried my best to explain to the hubs what I guessed what was happening to me and he was understanding as usual. He did his best to lift my spirits despite my three crying sessions by noon and two more by 8pm. I myself couldn't even believe how emotional I was. I could not control it in the slightest so I just rolled with it. I decided to talk to some fellow IVF'ers and evidently I'm not alone and it's quite common actually. This put me at some ease. I guess I have a good reason to be an emotional basket case after all. Each day after got better and better. I got my mind right and reminded myself to keep my eye on the prize.
So it looks like were off to Beverly Hills for yet another consultation follow-up. Fingers crossed we leave  there with the answers we're hoping for.